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Successful and pleasurable bottoming takes time and practice through dilation exercises, training of your self-awareness, and control of the pelvic floor. The good news? Of course, it may be uncomfortable at first and you might initially question how there could ever be pleasure in it — something that happens with vaginal sex the first time as well — but like anything it takes practice, patience, and following a few simple guidelines to enhance this sexual practice. I often tell patients that great bottoms have been doing it for quite some time, with many first experiencing it in their youth.
Unfortunately, no one showed us the right way to bottom in our high school sexual education class. Begin with dilation: Get yourself an anal trainer kit and start training for dilation two to three times a week for as little as five minutes each time. Use a water-based lubricant and start with the smallest plug. Insert just to the point of pressure. Hold it there for a few seconds, then try to engage the muscles.
Allow yourself to relax before removing the plug, then re-lubricate and re-insert to the point of pressure.
Repeat the process three to five times. The key is to remember there are three sets of muscles that need to relax for a successful entry.
Think of it as a tunnel, and the entire tunnel needs to be a well-lubed cylinder. If you become stimulated during the process, go for it! Not only is it a pleasurable side effect to your dilation training, but you can start to channel your orgasm anally and begin to gain control over time. Once the engines have been started, the bottom needs to sit on the tip of the penis, allowing control of entry.
Use plenty of lubricant and remember the different sets of muscles that need to be released to allow access.
Start off using the same technique of inserting until you feel pressure, hold it there, pull out, re-lubricate and repeat. The three-to-five-time rule applies here as well. Being on top of the penis really allows for you to determine your level of comfort.
If pain occurs, you can stop, call it a day, and try again another time. Graduating to new positions: Once you have fully received the penis, the last hurdle is to add new positions into the mix, like doggy-style. Make sure you have mastered receiving to minimize any injury and maximize pleasure. Start with you receiving on top and gaining control of your muscles before moving around to new positons.
Injury happens to the best of us: Proper techniques are obviously a must, but even brand-new cars can break down. The most common issues related to anal sex trauma are tears, also known as anal fissures. Most anal fissures will heal themselves with proper care, but fissures that become chronic will require surgical intervention. Be honest with your body: Small, petite frames and pelvises just may not be able to accept those of the more well-endowed variety.
Be realistic with your goals, and realize that you may need work up to this over several months. Use it or lose it: The key to continued ease of bottoming is to be consistent in using the above dilation methods, even throughout sexual dry spells. Keep at it so the next experience is a pleasurable one.
Engage a specialist: The process to becoming a pro at bottoming can be daunting, but it is totally achievable if you follow the above process. If all else fails, see a specialist in gay sexual health and wellness, who can provide both medical — such as personalized dilation and Botox — and surgical options including anal restoration to help improve and assist in relaxation of the muscles.
Evan Goldstein, founder of Bespoke Surgical which has offices in New York and Beverly Hillshas extensive experience educating gay and bi men on health care issues specific to the community, including: anatomical and mental sexual dysfunction; the myriad of same-sex relationship types and their evolving dynamics in the current social climate; HPV prevention, management, and treatment; anal Pap smear analytics and pertinence to cancer prevention; sexual education i.
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17 Tips for Happier, Healthier Bottoming